Working With Personal Values

A powerful source of guidance, meaning, motivation, and fulfillment lies within each of us but is often overlooked and misunderstood. This source is our personal values – the principles that are most important to us.

Everyone has a unique blend of values that influence their thoughts, actions, and relationships. These may be moral or ethical standards (compassion, honesty); beliefs related to specific spheres of life (family, success); or reflections of character strengths (wisdom, curiosity.)

There is no universally accepted list of values, but several well-researched and validated Values Assessments are used by psychologists, sociologists, and other professionals.  These typically include 10-60 different values that are categorized in various ways. I’ve also seen informal lists of up to 120 values!

Taking the time to explore and understand our own highest values can benefit us in many important ways. Our values:

• Define an element of our core identity in relation to others and the world, which helps us interact in ways that are true to our beliefs

• Aid making choices and decisions in alignment with what really matters to us

• Provide motivation when things get tough and resilience when seriously challenged

• Give meaning and a great sense of fulfillment when we live in accordance with them

• Help us make positive contribution to the world and leave a legacy

  
  

Sometimes values are confused with ideals. A helpful distinction is that ideals are aspirational values that we work toward but will never perfectly achieve, while values represent those principles that truly reflect and guide our behavior. People who deeply know and stay connected to their values can deliberately use them to help achieve goals and live with purpose.

In past centuries when religion played a major role in the lives of most people and in society in general, guidance and meaning were usually found in religious doctrines. For many people today, however, a solid awareness of their own personal values will provide direction and clarity. (Of course, some values may overlap with religious or spiritual teachings.) Societies and organizations have group values as well.

Our values develop from external influences, life experiences, and learning from observation. We’re not “born with” our values, yet some of the values related to ethics and growth are nearly universal across cultures and historic times.

Because our values define who we are, acting against them creates inner conflict and discomfort or even psychological pain. When we act in ways that are in alignment with our values, we feel balanced and fulfilled.

One interesting theory about values states that they reflect our essential human needs, that our values arise from our desire for: safety and security, connection and belonging, self-respect and esteem, growth and development, and fulfillment and self-actualization.

Not sure what your values are? You’re not alone! When confronted with a list of possible values most people feel a bit overwhelmed; almost all of them seem like “good” qualities or concepts. It often takes some careful consideration and review of your past to identify those 2-3 that have been the most important in your life. (It will probably take a period of contemplation and questioning to feel certain about these.)

Here are some values that are generally included in most lists - please add any others that are important to you:

Adventure, Authenticity, Autonomy, Beauty, Boldness, Challenge, Commitment, Compassion, Competence, Community, Connection, Contribution, Courage, Creativity, Curiosity, Dependability, Discipline, Fairness, Fun, Generosity, Growth, Health, Helpfulness, Honesty, Humor, Intimacy, Justice, Kindness, Knowledge, Leadership, Love, Loyalty, Open-mindedness, Passion, Peace, Reason, Respect, Responsibility, Security, Simplicity, Spirituality, Virtue

It might help to ask yourself, “What do I want my life to be about?” “What would someone observing how I live my life infer about my values?” “What would define, for me, a life well-lived at the end of it all?”

When working with values, please don’t confuse them with idealized “shoulds” that don’t truly fit you, or with specific goals and outcomes. However, once you get clear about your top values, they can help you select and prioritize life goals. For example, if one of your most important and meaningful values is Courage, you might choose goals that embody that value, such as trying new things even when they seem frightening, speaking up to defend someone (or yourself,) or taking the lead when no one else is able to.

Can our values change over time? Experts disagree, but it seems that certain core “character values” like courage and kindness are stable throughout our lives while the values related to areas of life can change with experience and shifting priorities.

Midlife, which is often associated with significant life changes, is a time when we may especially benefit from evaluating and working with our values. Through journaling, discussion with loved ones, and asking ourselves specific questions about our values, we can discover who we truly desire to become in the years left to us and find meaningful ways to embody that.

When we deeply connect with our own personal values, we can let them guide our words, actions, interactions, and even thoughts. Values can serve as a compass on a daily basis and in the most challenging times. And when they’re combined with our personal strengths, we become even more effective in reaching our goals and having “a life well-lived.”

Personal values are often incorporated into coaching and therapy because they help clients make positive, lasting life changes and provide a way to assess how well our interventions are working. Would you like to discuss how this might look in 1:1 coaching with me? Please don’t hesitate to contact me to learn more.

Photo by Bakr Magrabi from Pexels