Finding Meaning in Midlife Using Personal Strengths

Midlife is often a time when we become more fully aware that something is missing in our enjoyment of life.

In general, in early adulthood we’re (appropriately) focused on establishing our careers, nurturing relationships, raising a family, and similar important tasks. Through these experiences we build and strengthen our identities – our definitions of who we are and what’s important to us.

Eventually many of us begin to feel a dissatisfaction with our lives – is this all there is? It may occur suddenly after a significant life transition (divorce, job loss, illness, etc.) or it may develop slowly over time. This dissatisfaction often seems surprising and incongruous to us; after all, we’ve completed much of the “hard stuff” in life and believe we should have a level of mastery to cope with difficulties and to enjoy the fruits of our labor. We may have spent the previous 20+ years working toward an imagined freedom and ease in the second half of life.

Our response might be to wonder what’s wrong with us. We should be happy! We might decide we’re depressed, or just getting old, lose interest and withdraw, and accept our discontent as a normal part of how life will be from now on. Or we might resist it and try to recharge our lives through having an affair, workaholism, excessive substance use, or other extreme measures. We might become angry, irritable or anxious as we try to understand what’s happening to us – this is often part of a “midlife crisis.”

A coaching client recently told me she was very concerned because she no longer wanted to engage with many of the people and situations she’d once enjoyed. In fact, lately she dreaded attending social events but usually agreed to go anyway when invited because she feared becoming a recluse. “Most days I just want to be alone or with my husband. When I’m with my friends or coworkers I feel bored and uninterested and can’t wait to go home. What’s wrong with me?”

Upon further discussion, it became apparent that my client had largely “outgrown” many of her friends. She no longer shared their (rather superficial) interests and wanted no part of their personal dramas. Yet she also wasn’t sure what she would enjoy doing instead or what kind of social interactions she would find appealing. It was a bit shocking for her to realize that her identity had changed, along with her values and preferences.

Now she’ll be able to reexamine everything she thought she knew about herself and to discover what motivates and inspires her today. It’s an opportunity full of possibilities – and a path without clear guideposts or directions.

Growing up in midlife is almost always an uncomfortable, lengthy, stressful time of doubt and uncertainty. I’ve written previously about some of the tools available to help us navigate through this process (see, for example, my blog post of August 2024.) These include exploring the unconscious, spiritual growth practices, connection with nature, and making meaning through narrative and other techniques.

Meaning, satisfaction, and fulfillment are what make life worth living - not achieving some culturally defined milestone, not (conditional) happiness, not having wealth or possessions. In early adulthood we found meaning and purpose in the tasks associated with that stage of life. In midlife those are finished or of less urgency. What will replace them?

One method of learning what might make our lives meaningful in any phase of life is to look at our natural strengths and find new ways to develop and use them.

A colleague told me the story of how her life changed in a very positive way after she discovered her top personal strengths through a popular assessment tool. Or rather, she remembered her strengths once she saw them listed, because they had always been an essential part of who she was. She had simply not used them deliberately or to the fullest for most of her life. These strengths included being adaptable and strategic, easily winning people over, being inclusive, and generating great ideas.

Once aware of her strengths, my colleague focused on using them at work and in her personal life and delegated to others those tasks that didn’t come naturally to her. When she started her own business, she made sure that her choice of clients and the services she offered would allow her to use her strengths to the fullest. The result has been greater effectiveness, far more fulfillment and less frustration, and overall improved well-being. She’s able to confidently step into a more authentic midlife identity and experience new meaning and fulfillment. I can certainly relate to her story myself!

Finding meaning and using our strengths isn’t limited to our work or livelihoods; they can be applied to our personal lives and relationships as well. The client I described earlier might look at her strengths and let them guide her to new activities, friendships, and hobbies. Through trying new things more aligned with our true selves, we can recover a Bsense of excitement and enthusiasm in our daily lives and connect with people who also care about meaning and authenticity.

Which natural stengths are you neglecting in your life? And how might they be developed and used in new ways as you grow into the person you're meant to be?

There are several online strengths assessments available at low or no cost to anyone who is curious. Two I recommend are the VIA Survey at www.viacharacter.org and the CliftonStrengths Assessment at www.gallup.com/cliftonstrengths/en/home.aspx (or purchase the book Strengthsfinder 2.0 with included access to the assessment.)

May you find meaning and guidance on your own midlife awakening journey. Let me know if you need assistance or have questions – I welcome the opportunity to speak with you about this topic!

Photo by Sarah Cervantes on Unsplash