Bridging Social Separation

Are we, in the U.S. and other Western nations, more divided as a people than ever before? I don’t know if that’s true, but we can probably agree that polarization is rather extreme in recent times; it’s especially noticeable lately along political and ideological lines, but of course our division encompasses racial, ethnic, religious, and many other differences. I think it’s useful to understand why and how this occurs so we can avoid blindly contributing to societal separation and animosity.

Humans are “programmed” since ancient times to belong to a group (at one time it was essential for survival) and to be suspicious of strangers (who might be dangerous.) The mental biases and cognitive errors that result from these tendencies can create serious problems in modern societies. To live together peacefully and effectively in communities we must cooperate, collaborate, and accept differences. Obviously, this is not happening in many areas of life today.

Some of the behaviors that facilitate our separation and antagonism are described by social psychologists as Sorting, Othering, and Siloing.

(I first learned about this dangerous “SOS” trio in Monica Guzman’s wonderful book, I Never Thought of It That Way.)

Sorting refers to our habit of mentally dividing things, including people, into distinct categories. These might include by gender, race, income, political views, and more. We naturally identify with various categories and tend to associate with other people who fit those categories – it’s more comfortable for us. This may not be a problem in and of itself, but it can easily lead to negatively judging and stereotyping people who don’t fit the category, and to a feeling of superiority over them.

When our sorting is reinforced, and our tendency to be wary of outsiders steps in, we often resort to Othering. The perceived differences between groups are strongly delineated and those who don’t belong to our group are stigmatized and treated with bias and discrimination. We feel a sense of solidarity in uniting with our group as Us against Them. From here, it’s all too easy for contempt, hate, dehumanization, and conflict to develop.

These two disturbing behaviors are exacerbated by Siloing, the habit of groups to restrict their thoughts and communication to their own limited compartments in which everyone agrees. In the context of social separation, this behavior takes the form of limiting our consumption of news and other media to that which expresses our own views, talking about important issues only with people who share our opinions, and in some cases choosing to associate only with people who believe or act the same as we do.

Taken together, the SOS social behaviors promote division, misunderstanding, prejudicial treatment, and worse. We become deeply entrenched in our one-sided, narrow viewpoints and eventually believe them to be absolute, excluding any other possibility of truth. We prevent ourselves from being exposed to alternative thoughts and make wild assumptions about what the “others” believe. We may feel so righteous about our way of thinking that we attack other ideas and the people who have them, verbally or physically.

In addition, when we remain isolated from other ideas, opinions, and ways of experiencing the world, we severely limit our awareness of reality. This diminishes our capacity for empathy, which is necessary for strong relationships and acceptance of differences. We’re unable to appreciate and learn from the wonderful variety of viewpoints and perspectives of all humans. And in all cultures, from corporations and work teams to families and community groups and even nations, innovation and problem-solving suffer.

What can we do instead to foster connection and acceptance, and to benefit from becoming aware of what others feel and think?

• Accept that you’ll probably have to get out of your comfort zone to meaningfully connect with others who are very different than you are

• Find the courage to deliberately interact with people outside your usual groups – it may help to remind yourself of your values and ideals about peace and cooperation

• Loosen your attachment to your own opinions and don’t let them absolutely define who you are as a person

• Become aware of your own biases and judgments of others and question whether they are based on personal experience or on parroted soundbites and stereotypes

• Make a point of exposing yourself to opposite viewpoints and listening for areas of acceptable rationale and common ground via intelligent, respectful sources (probably not social media or extreme opinion shows!)

• Invite people you know to have conversations about topics of contention and get curious about what has influenced them to have different opinions without trying to change anyone’s mind

  
  

(If you’d like to get truly serious about bridging differences with people you know, host a purposeful gathering – for guidelines see https://livingroomconversations.org)

I recognize that taking on these recommendations is not easy and unfortunately, uncommon. I urge you to try it anyway. I believe we can’t make significant positive change in our world if more of us don’t do this. I appreciate your efforts! And I feel confident you'll be glad you did.

Warmly, Amy

Image by Yakup Ipek of Pixabay

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Specific social behaviors keep us separated from those who are different from us